Updated 7/5/23
Originally published 8/22/18
Bullies come in all forms. Whether you have someone bullying you (kids or adults) at home, at work, at school, online or in public, bullies exist and it's time for you to take a stand. In this article, I'll give you some sound advice on what to do if someone bullies you, including a link to a downloadable incident report via SPARC (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center). Even people that don't look or sound like bullies, can be bullies. Here's my story and my well-researched advice about how to handle a bully.
The eagle soaring high, far away from stone throwers
I had a dream last night.
I was standing on the edge of a cliff and a giant, beautiful blue bird flew towards me. He looked at me while flying higher into the sky. All of the sudden, people appeared behind me and started throwing rocks at the beautiful bird. I turned towards the people and then back towards the bird.
Many other birds started appearing at this point, outnumbering the people. At first I thought, "Woah, those birds are going to attack these people if they don't stop," but I said nothing. Then, as the stones kept being thrown faster and faster, I grew angry.
Keeping visuals around a classroom can help prevent bullying
I turned to the people and shouted "Why are you doing this!? These birds have done nothing to you and they are beautiful! Why would you want to harm something so beautiful." I then started picking up stones to throw back, but didn't follow through. Instead, I looked into the sky and the giant, beautiful blue bird flew around again. The birds didn't seem worried. They just kept soaring around in the sky, higher and higher.
Illustration by Carolyn J. Braden, Media: Gelly Roll pens, BIC pencil.
I really had to process this dream throughout the day today. I couldn't forget the beautiful blue bird, so I drew it. Then I sat some more and thought about what it meant. I had a texting conversation with a friend. Somehow I had a memory during our conversation about my 6th grade English teacher, Mrs. Moses. I remember the students in the class always saying (behind her back, of course) that she had mold in between her teeth. I always thought that was really mean. I liked her, as she encouraged me to write. I wrote a few books while in her class that I still have today.
Illustration Detail by Carolyn J. Braden, Media: Gelly Roll pens, BIC pencil.
That wasn't the only memory I had today. I remember a "friend" of mine in the 5th grade laughing and making fun of a boy in our class. She always picked on him because he was bigger than many kids. He lived in my neighborhood and was nice. Lots of kids picked on him because of his size. I never did, but I don't remember standing up for him though.
I regret that to this day, but forgive myself because I also have a memory of him finally having enough of the teasing and he started standing up for himself. I also know he's a happy and healthy insurance agent today and doing okay. That makes me happy.
See our quick bite learning (15 second video) about some of the names we’ve been called via our YouTube channel @carolynjbraden:
Maybe all this is coming to me because I know that there are many people in the world that will do anything and say anything to hurt someone. I've seen it on social media and in-person. I've witnessed it being done to others and have endured it myself. Those "stone throwers" will do anything to hold someone else back from shining gloriously and I wish for this to stop. Unfortunately, I know it won't cease completely in my lifetime.
All genders can be bullied
This demeaning behavior has happened for centuries. It reminded me of the Bible passage from John 8:1-11. A woman who committed adultery was brought into a temple among scholars and religious folk. They were all ready to stone her and started badgering Jesus about when to start. Jesus was like "Um...whichever one of you haven't sinned ever. You go first." They all looked at each other and then started exiting from the temple, one by one, and no stones were thrown. Interesting. Jesus basically called them out, but he did it in such a peaceful way, so they got his message. Read the full passage by clicking here.
Know your rights as a victim of bullying
All humans have been hurt at some point in their lives. I wish people would start remembering how it feels when someone hurts them so they stop hurting others. Stop throwing those stones.
And to those that get stones thrown at them: Think like the birds in my dream. Picture yourself flying high up in the sky, too high for the stones to reach. Yeah, a few may hit and hurt, but that's okay. Try your best to ignore it. Speak up when you feel you need to, but know when it's best to not say anything.
That's a tricky thing sometimes, knowing when to say something and when not to (and what to say exactly, because you don't want to be a stone thrower too), but if you listen to your heart, it won't steer you wrong. If your heart starts to tell you it’s getting serious, then you need to take action.
Anti-bully signs in a school or work environment
If you are being bullied, and it continues to happen over a period of time, you do have rights. Bullying can be physical, but also verbal. Stopbullying.gov has some great resources to determine what constitutes bullying. It’s great information for adults and kids.
If you are being bullied at work, go through the proper HR (human resources) line of communication and documentation process. If this does not exist at your workplace, follow the process listed in the “What to do” section below.
Many schools have bullying contracts
If you are being bullied at school (or your child/grandchild is being bullied at school), tell the educator in charge, talk to the principal or school lead, consider switching schools if possible, but if all has failed or it’s more serious, follow the process listed in the “What to do” section below.
What to do:
If you are being stalked, cyberbullied, bullied in person, keep records of it. SPARC (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center) has a template you can download and use. Click here for their Stalking Incident and Behavior Log. Documentation is very helpful for you and it can be very helpful if you have to get any lawyers or the criminal justice system involved.
Together we can stop bullies
Current United States legislation dictates that cyberstalking is a criminal offense under American anti-stalking, slander and harassment laws. If the same individual continues to threaten or harass you on social media or online, keep track of it too. When you feel it’s serious or whenever you are ready to contact your local police about bullying (cyber or in-person), they can be charged with stalking (which may require you to get a protective order) and more. See this list for state laws and statutes. This .gov resource details the process on what to do if someone is cyberstalking you.
Kids that are bullies can grow to be bullies as adults
Even adults bully other adults. As I said earlier, I have had this happen in my adult life and it’s not fun, but because I am educating myself on my rights, I see the good in my situation. I am able to pass along true information to possibly be able to help you, my reader. I won’t be able to save them all, but maybe if I can help just one, I did my job right. If anyone continues to bully me in person or online after I’ve blocked them or kept them out of my physical life, I’ll follow the law to take care of it and I hope you do the same.
Bullies aim to hurt someone because they are hurt themselves
Whatever process you have to take to help you in a bully situation, do your best to keep flying and soaring higher and higher and I will too. “Living well is the best revenge”, after all.
Sending my light and love to all who need it.
If you love this article, we know you’ll love this one too: You Were Meant to Be Happy
C.J. (Carolyn) Braden is a regular contributor and editor for Carolyn’s Blooming Creations. She has been featured in numerous media publications such as InStyle Magazine, on HGTV, on Bustle.com, and more. She is the author of the books Georgia McMasters in Amethyst Lake Cemetery, How To Be Yourself: 3 Ways To Help You Being You, and the illustrator for the children’s book Bridging Connections. She is a former classroom teacher that now dedicates her life to educating others on how to live their most healthy, creative and happy life. Learn more about her visiting our About Us page.