C.J. Braden • 5 Minute Read
How to Be Yourself: 3 Ways To Help You Be You
A book I wrote in 2017 but never published has resurfaced and screamed at me to finish it and put it out into the world to consume. So…..I turned it into a blog post. I actually originally wrote this post without the actual book included because I was going to publish it on Amazon. Instead, I focused on my YA book, Georgia McMaster’s in Amethyst Lake Cemetery, and shelved this idea. Little did I know it was going to keep knocking on the door in my brain.
I can’t believe it took me from 2017 to 2022 to publish it in some way. I had some interest by some actual publishers, but nothing came to fruition. Now, here I am, finally doing something with it. I also can’t believe it took me from 2017 until 2022 to fully become myself.
It’s true what they say-you write what you need to hear. I thought I was myself when I wrote it, but I wasn’t. I was working in a job that no longer fulfilled or grew me, I was living in a town that I no longer felt was home and I was, just simply stated, not my true self.
Here I am, years later, living in a new state, still working on making my dream job a reality, and more fully myself than I’ve ever been before. I honestly believe the How To Be Yourself book I wrote to myself in 2017 transformed my life and I hope maybe it can transform yours too.
While I’m working on a big extension piece (my story and my “why”) to accompany the book, the three main factors of the book are still helpful. Read on for those three main factors of my “soulbook”, How to Be Yourself: 3 Ways To Help You Be You.
Foreword
Being yourself can lead to happiness
This is a reminder. A reminder to anyone that feels a pull inside their heart to get back to being who they were put on this earth to be. A reminder that everyone is special and has something to give to the world. A reminder that everyone has a purpose.
I wrote this in 2017 during a pivotal time in my life. It was a time when I was at a major crossroads. Though I was making good money at my job, it started to become just a job. I was feeling unfulfilled. I was feeling pain. I knew I either could continue to keep doing everything in my life as usual and stay exactly where I was (unfulfilled and in pain), or I could take a risk and grow. I thought my growth was supposed to come from simply getting a new job, but my path went a different route.
I hope my story can help you somehow, some way. When I first started writing this, I thought I was writing it for others, but then I realized that most writers write what THEY need to hear. They write about what needs to be healed or resolved in their life. Though I’m not perfect (no one is perfect) I feel much more healed now and I have more of a sense of purpose and freedom that I’ve never felt before. I hope you feel the same after reading it too.
How to Use This “Soulbook”
Your style can reflect who you really are
I think my story can help others understand how important becoming yourself is. I figure if I was in need of reading my own words, then maybe someone else needs to hear them as well. It takes a lot of work to become yourself, but once you do, doors open for you in numerous ways. Maybe not all at once, but they do in time. Throughout my life I’ve been rejected, felt pain and was often times very lost. Though those feelings aren’t fun, they can lead you to great change.
Read this how to be yourself article and see if it helps you get back to you being you; for that is the only way you can truly make a difference in this world. It may not be easy and it may take some time. But you can do it if you are ready. Don’t worry; you’ll know if you are ready.
Being happier is linked to you being you
This how to be yourself guide is separated into three chapters. They may be short, but it will take you some time to digest what each says. Read it all at once or try reading each section one day at a time or even one week at a time. Begin your personal journey by writing down your answers to the reflection questions at the end of each chapter. This can help you retain your ideas and put them into action quicker in your everyday life. If you don’t have time to write them down, use them to start discussions with others.
While reading it, try to write down the feelings you have, share them with someone you love, or do both as I suggested above. I wrote this not only to guide people, but also to provoke thoughts and feelings, no matter what they may be.
If you can’t find ways to do all the suggestions all at once, wait for opportunities to do so. They will present themselves. Be open to the universe and it will present you with what you need to do to get back to being you! Let’s begin….
See more How to Be Yourself tips on my Pinterest page @carolynjbraden or in the short video below:
If you are loving this article, we know you’ll love this one too: Rise Up! How To Get Lost and Find Yourself
1- Pick the Right People
The right friends can help you be you
To start you off on this journey to being yourself, you have to pick the right people. Think about those you surround yourself with on a daily basis. Are they fun? Are they loving? Do they support you? If you answer no to any of those questions, then perhaps you need to find a new crew! Not that you have to rid your life of anyone. I’m not saying that. Maybe you need to instead, determine what each person helps you do.
Let’s start by dividing up the people you have in your life right now into three groups. The first is the Fun Support Group, the second is the Emotional Support Group and the third is your Funmotional Group.
Your friends should bring out the best in you
The first group, the Fun Support Group, are the people that keep your mind from wandering. They are the ones you can play games with, dance with, sing karaoke with and do any kind of outing with. The Emotional Group is comprised of people whom you can talk to about anything. They are the ones that won’t think you are crazy when you cry and laugh at the same time. The last group is your Fun and Emotional Support Group, or the Funmotional Group, a term my friend Steve coined after reading a draft of my book. That’s the group I like best. This is the group you can cry with, laugh with, and do anything with.
Which group sounds best to you? Maybe you need to keep them divided if that works for you. I prefer to surround myself with people that can be both emotionally supportive and fun. This mixed group supports me to do so many things. I have had separate groups of friends in my life and it is exhausting keeping up with them all!
If you like the third group as I do, you now may be thinking “How in the world do I create a group of friends like that?” I’m here to say it’s possible, but it’s going to take time. To start, cut the chatter of what everyone is telling you to do. As I write that, it sounds as if I am telling you what to do but I am not. I am only making suggestions, as you must listen to what your own heart is telling you to do.
Your life path is unique to you
Here’s what I mean by “cut the chatter”. Listen to what each person you surround yourself with says for a while. Listen to what they are really saying. If what they talk about does not match with what your heart is telling you, you may need to separate yourself from them for a while. I’m not saying forever, just maybe for a short while until you know what you want.
Once you know what you want, start pulling people back in one or more at a time. Form a tribe of people that will support you with fun and love and will push you to become the person you know you are.
I struggled with creating a Funmotional group for quite some time in my life. An event that helped change my mindset happened when I was in college. I was a member of a school sponsored social group. The first couple of years was a lot of fun. We made crafts, went to dinner and shared stories all night long; Sometimes until we fell asleep. At some point, some of the people in the group graduated and new leadership came into play. The group shifted and started layering more and more social events to my calendar.
I was good at talking to people, so I was put on a team of people to help recruit others. I was also made co-chair of Public Relations. My job as co-chair of PR was to plan parties and social events, something I loved to do and was very good at doing. Though it was fun, it started to take over my life.
My grades dropped to an all-time low. My poor grades also affected my financial aid status. I had to do something quickly or else I was at risk of losing my aid, which meant no more school. I started with thinking about where the center of the problem was. It was the social group.
I talked the situation out with my aunt, who helped me hear myself (because sometimes we say the things we need to hear) and knew I had to quit the group. I liked the people, but it was something I had to do. Telling them I was quitting was the hardest. I honestly don’t remember everything I said to them when quitting, but I did it.
Your life path is not straight
I’ll never forget what one of the group members said to me as I left the building. She said, “Carolyn, are you going crazy?” I don’t remember my exact reply, but I remember feeling so good after saying whatever I said. I also felt free. I knew I had taken control over my own life and knew if I could to that, I could do anything I set my heart on.
I thought of this moment in my life when I had to quit my job in 2018. I realized if I had the strength to quit the social group as a college student, then I had the strength to quit a job to start my own business in my late 30’s.
In closing of this section, here are some reflection questions asked by my friends and family had after reading this I’ve been able to answer some, but others need to be answered by your own heart. Take a few moments or longer to ponder upon them.
Michael, Louisville, KY:
1. Establishing happiness is discovering your happiness. What makes me happy?
2. Who makes me happy?
3. Are their goals the same as mine?
4. Who really loves me enough to have my best interest at heart?
5. Who would I sacrifice for?
6. Who would be there for me when it matters?
Jordan, Dallas, TX:
1. How do you determine whether to pull a person back into your life or not?
Answer from Carolyn: If you’ve tried and tried and tried and the person still brings the same negativity into your life (drama, talking poorly about others, making you feel poorly about yourself), chances are, you need to steer clear of that person.
2. How can you tell if a person’s spirit doesn’t match yours?:
Answer from Carolyn: If their spirit doesn’t match yours, you’ll probably find yourself wanting to spend less and less time around that person.
Heather, Louisville, KY:
1. Do you pursue to pull a friend (former friend) back if the relationship feels one-sided?:
Answer from Carolyn: If you’ve tried talking to them about your feelings and they still are all about “me and only me”, then you need to not pursue them. A true friendship either continues to bloom and grow or it wilts away.
2. What if you have fun with this person and your personalities really match, but your friend's moral and ethical compass does not align with yours?:
Answer from Carolyn: If their moral and ethical compass does not align with yours, talk to them about some of the life choices they’ve made and how it has made you feel. If they don’t think there is anything “wrong” with their life choices, then try to understand why. Maybe the way they live their life is based upon how they were raised (example: you were raised going to church but they did not go to church OR were in a very strict church environment).
Are their choices physically/emotionally harming you and your family? If the answer to this question is yes, then let the relationship go. If the answer is no, then stick with it. You can’t force your own beliefs/way of life onto someone, but you can set a standard or an example and learn from them as well.
2- Take Care of Yourself
The next stop of your journey? Take care of yourself! You are more important than you feel you are. You have to take care of yourself to take care of those around you. If you are not doing well emotionally, spiritually or are often ill, how in the world do you expect to be able to function at the level you need to?
Now you are probably thinking things like “I don’t have time for myself. I have to work, take care of my kids, take care of my pets, take care of this, that or the other.” I am here to say STOP. You can make time for what you want to make time for.
Is it maybe you just don’t want to make time for yourself or you don’t feel you deserve to take time out for yourself? Let me remind you that you are important. You are special. You are a beautiful person that deserves everything you work for. You have to make time for yourself. Even if it is only fifteen minutes, you have to do it.
Open the doors to your future now
What are some ways to do this? You have to do what works for you, but I’ll give you a head start by offering some suggestions. Some may be hard to do at first, but if you do them every day (yes EVERY DAY) for a few weeks, they will become habits.
Do I want to exercise for at least 30 minutes every day? Absolutely not! But I do it. I’ll walk, dance, do some intense yoga, or whatever I feel like doing to get my heart rate up and write in my journal for about 5 minutes. I usually try to do both in the morning but if I ever slip up and don’t make it (because some days I just can’t), I do it later in the day.
How about the food you are eating? Does it fulfill you? Does it taste good? Do you feel good after eating it? Get in the habit of reading labels before you make a food purchase. People research everything now days and look at ratings of most everything before making a purchase. Why not try the same with the food we eat? You are what you eat, after all. My husband Tommy and I made a conscious decision to start leading a healthier lifestyle years ago.
We tried to eat healthy choices as adults, or what we thought were healthy choices. Because my husband had some digestion issues that persisted, we started reading the labels to identify ingredients on the package that were the cause of his discomfort. We started experimenting to see what was the cause. After a lot of trial and error, we narrowed it down to egg yolks and pork.
Weirdly enough, those two things were just not tolerated by his system. I started using egg whites only in recipes and started preparing more vegetarian and vegan meals. I recently noticed that I wasn’t feeling great all the time too. I exercised but my clothes still felt like they were too tight.
Through the trial and error process we learned with Tommy, I learned to experiment with what I was eating. I looked at my diet and figured out I was eating too much sugar. I had to cut the sweets down, which was very hard to do because I have a sweet tooth but my health was more important. I switched to using coconut sugar instead of sugar cane and started cutting back on the desserts I was consuming.
Another thing that can help you take care of yourself? Cry. I mean really let it out! We often hold in our tears thinking they may show we are weak. I don’t believe tears make us look weak. Human emotion is a beautiful thing to see. We cry when we are happy, sad and sometimes in between. Think about how you feel after crying. I feel a release. It is pretty amazing. We were given the gift of crying for a reason, so try it sometime. I promise it won’t hurt!
Sometimes you have to try a different path than others
My last suggestion on how to take care of yourself is get some sleep. How good does it feel when your head finally hits that pillow? I like to sprawl out in bed and stretch. It seems to help relax me and I fall asleep a bit quicker most times. I look forward to sleep sometimes also because of the cool dreams I have. They are like movies I get to watch while I sleep!
If you are not getting enough sleep most nights, how do you feel the following day? Groggy, angry, sloppy maybe? While a consistent sleep schedule may not work for everyone (have a baby or kids maybe?), do the best you can. Take naps if possible. Try everything you can think of to get enough sleep. Your brain will thank you for it.
Becoming a healthier person can be a lot of trial and error, but I recommend trying it and seeing what sticks. I will never be perfect at what I eat, how much sleep I get or at anything for that matter. However, I will constantly work at it and try to make healthy choices that work for me, and not against me.
Reflection time again! Here are your questions:
Michael, Louisville, KY:
1. Are the things that make me happy helping or hurting me?
2. What are some tools I can use to establish if something is helping or hurting our true happiness?
3. Is my goal short term relief or long-term happiness?
4. What obstacles are stopping me from doing the things that make me happy or trying new things?
Jordan, Dallas, TX:
1. How can you make fifteen minutes for yourself every day?
2. Working out, meditation, whatever it is, do you have “you” time scheduled?
3. Who do you feel most comfortable crying with?
4. Why/how do they make you feel comfortable?
5. Do you have a good sleep routine?
Quote/Comment from Heather, Louisville, KY: “I loved the part about crying. I love crying. I find it very therapeutic. I also love laughter! I think for sure it is the best medicine. I feel like people need to laugh until they cry as much as possible. I used to be known for how much I laughed. I got embarrassed and tried to stop laughing so much.
Now I think people need to laugh, and not worry about what people think, how you sound, or how silly you look! Real friends make you laugh, laugh with you (at you sometimes, as long as you are laughing too) and make you laugh hard! And you should definitely be able to laugh at yourself. I know I do all the time.”
3-Do Something for Someone Other Than Yourself
Be Yourself quote
This final chapter may at first sound like it contradicts the previous chapter, but it does not. Let’s begin with this statement: “It’s not all about you.”. Now repeat this over and over and over again until it sticks. Sounds like a contradiction, but hear me out. As I said in the previous chapter, you have to take care of yourself to take care of those around you.
Once you take care of yourself, you’ll have the strength you need to take care of those around you. Taking care of our fellow humans is what we are here for. The universe supports us in doing so. Keep in mind though, the universe is not here to give us everything we want at the exact time we want it. We must be patient. In the meantime, we must be kind and do good things for each other.
How to be yourself quotes
Let’s take a second to digest what it means to do things for someone other than yourself. Many things come to mind when I think of this act. It could mean volunteering some of your time for a cause you believe in. The gift of your time is valuable. What about helping out a neighbor somehow? Maybe you hear them trying to start their lawnmower and it won’t start.
What about offering to cut their grass the next time you cut yours until they can get their lawnmower repaired? What about holding a door for someone that is carrying a large bag of groceries or what if you even-gasp!-carry their groceries for them? Especially if they are elderly!
In reflecting upon the idea of volunteering, I realize that I’ve done it in some form or another throughout my life. When I was teaching art, it was a time when I know I donated a lot of my time. I worked on the weekends and in the evening to create slide shows and handouts, prepare materials, order products, research new lesson ideas and more because a fifty-minute plan time was never enough to do what I wanted to do.
The students were always my number one priority. I wanted to make sure they were getting the best experience possible, as many teachers do. In thinking about it, that is a true volunteer activity. No one told me I had to spend the extra time. I just did it.
Open the window to your soul
Now that I am not teaching full-time, I explored other ways to give back. My husband and I have volunteered for a local art group, do kind things for our friends and family members, and give monetary donations to our favorite animal charities. If you want to donate your time or money and struggle to find the right people to connect with, there are apps that can help you in doing so. I’ve done this and connected with wonderful groups of people.
Some companies offer VTO days (Volunteer Time Off) days to their employees and can connect you with a multitude of opportunities. You can also try your local church. Many churches can connect you with a volunteer opportunity in the community or they may need help within their own community.
Some other ideas regarding doing something for someone other than yourself? Write thank you notes. Whatever happened to writing thank you notes? Hand writing a thank you note is always a wonderful thing to do and is nice to receive. If you can’t do that, try sending a thank you text message the next time you know you should thank someone. Acknowledging the great things people do can carry someone’s day into something wonderful.
What about your work? Does the work you do (the work you get paid to do) help others in some way? Your career is a part of your life purpose and should be not only helping your own soul, but other souls as well. I can see that my work helps others through their consumption of my content (I heavily rely on analytics on my website and social media) as well as people telling me how something I said or did affected them for the better. This makes my heart feel so good and makes me know that I am on the right path with my work.
Lastly, tell someone you love them. LOVE is the four-letter word we should all get a little more familiar with. It’s not as scary as it sounds. How do you feel after you tell someone you love them or they say it to you? I feel pretty awesome.
Reflection Questions:
Jordan, Dallas, TX:
1. When was the last time you did something to give back to your community?
2. How can you incorporate this into your daily or monthly lifestyle?
3. What are some things you are passionate about?
4. Can you find other like-minded people by volunteering in these passions?
Prologue
Happiness is found when you find yourself
If you remember anything from what I’ve written, remember this. The three steps I've outlined in this book, Pick the Right People, Take Care of Yourself and Do Something for Someone Other Than Yourself, are the steps you need to follow in order to get back to being you. However, you must practice these three steps every day. It sounds like I am telling you what to do, and I am not. I make the suggestions, then you can do what you need to do to make it happen.
Now wake up tomorrow and set the world on fire with your “You-ness!”
Final Reflection Questions:
Jordan, Dallas, TX:
1. What are some trigger points in your life that will make you realize you need to question if there is a problem you need to address?
2. Is there someone you can talk these things out with?
Carolyn J. Braden, author:
1. Are there events you keep repeating in your life again and again, only to find results you do not want?
2. If so, what adjustments can you make?
Now it’s time to start planning! What actions are you going to take to ensure you become YOU? Write the actions you will take in the space below and hold yourself accountable by giving yourself a date to complete the action.
Final thoughts and testimonial from Heather, Louisville, KY:
“I believe the secret to true happiness goes much farther than just in ourselves and being the best versions of ourselves. I believe we as humans are incapable of perfect joy all the time without God. Every human, I believe, has a "God-shaped" hole inside them that only He can fill.
People, myself included, try to make themselves happy with stuff, money, accomplishments, friends, awards, etc., but nothing can really do that except God Himself. He loves us more than we can ever know and he desires a relationship with us. He can know us, guide us, and lead us every day.
Only with Him and though His power can we truly forgive people, find healing, and find total and complete happiness: a true and lasting joy. I love you. Your advice is great. I will be practicing what I read. Thank you so much for sharing and letting me into your heart with your honest testimonies.”
How To Be Yourself Book
C.J. (Carolyn) Braden is a regular contributor and editor for Carolyn’s Blooming Creations. She has been featured in numerous media publications such as InStyle Magazine, on HGTV, on Bustle.com, and more. She is the author of the books Georgia McMasters in Amethyst Lake Cemetery, How To Be Yourself: 3 Ways to Help You Be You and the illustrator for the children’s book Bridging Connections. She is a former classroom teacher that now dedicates her life to educating others on how to live their most healthy, creative and happy life. Learn more about her visiting our About Us page.