Art detail, by Carolyn J. Braden, Media: Gelly Roll pens, Sharpie marker and BIC pencils
I had to put my 15 1/2 year old American Eskimo dog, Vegas, to sleep around 7:30 p.m on September 25th, 2018. I knew it was coming. The week prior, I spent almost an entire day feeling sad because I felt like his soul was wanting to move on. My husband, Tommy, at first told me I was thinking “the worst” and shouldn’t “go there”. I sat him down and explained myself. I was not thinking the worst. I was being realistic.
Vegas had stopped wanting to play, wasn’t eating as much as he should be, had lost weight, and just all-around didn’t seem like himself. I told Tommy I had the same type of sadness not long before my Nani (grandmother) died, as well as when my dog Joey passed away.
As I told Tommy my feelings, I shrunk down in the kitchen and cried. I then told him this feeling of “death” I get is like a blessing and a curse all in one. I feel blessed because feeling grief before it happens is a way for me to be able to prepare to be strong and make hard choices. It allows me to prepare others too. (Those that are ready to hear what needs to be said). I feel it is like a curse too because feeling pain before it happens just plain ol’ stinks.
I don’t call myself psychic. I call myself intuitive. All humans are intuitive. I believe human intuition is a marriage of our own hearts’ ideas, as well as God’s and a spirit team (and even other humans) because I believe WE are all ONE (This is a big topic that I’ll elaborate on some other time.)
The next time you are faced with having to make a hard decision (no matter what it is), try to lean on your intuition.
Here’s what I do:
I listen to what people say. I watch them (and my pets) like a hawk. I am not trying to be nosy; I simply notice things. It’s a part of my nature. I study all kinds of behaviors in humans and animals and it allows me to understand what might happen before it happens. I’m not always right, but the more I study, the more accurate I become. I pray, meditate and journaI too. Doing all this, while taking some time to slow down (and clear my mind) enables ideas, thoughts and answers to come through.
One thing I kept praying and meditating on recently was my dog, Vegas. I told God (and my spirit team) to help show me a clear sign that Vegas was ready because my heart was kind of confused. I told them that I wanted him to stay healthy as long as possible, but never be in pain. I talked to Vegas too and let him know I loved him more than anything, but I would let him go when he was ready.
I fully believe it’s important to give a human or an animal some sort of “permission” to pass on so they will know you and they will be okay.
On September 25th, 2018, Vegas was having a hard time standing. While we ate dinner, he stood, held his head in an awkward way, then laid down. He then started making a grunting noise. It was a noise we had never heard him make before. I knew at that moment, he was in pain. I had already made up my mind that I would never allow an animal to suffer and told Tommy we needed to take him to the vet. Tommy agreed.
As Tommy and I drove to the vet, it was raining, yet it was sunny. I prayed silently for God and my spirit team to show me a rainbow, and they did. I cried. I knew that was my sign. (Rainbows seem to appear in times of loss for many humans). The veterinarian did the appropriate tests on Vegas and their science determined that either pain pills could be dispensed (which may or may not have helped), or we could follow our hearts. We chose to follow our hearts and put him to sleep. We stayed with him, as we had done with our dog Joey a year prior. It was the most peaceful and beautiful moment.
I believe Vegas is now with us in spirit. I had a hard time sleeping that night. I must have dozed off at some point, but I woke up at 5:55 a.m. and heard some lyrics from the song Wind Beneath My Wings playing loud in my head.
These were the specific words:
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings
………….
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings
—Wind Beneath My Wings, Songwriters: Jeff Silbar / Larry J. Henley
I had not heard that song in years, but knew it was being sent to me by Vegas in spirit. That song always makes me cry (just like the movie Beaches) and I definitely did at this moment, once again. (You can imagine my eyes have been quite puffy for a while now!)
I told Tommy about the song and he said he had a dream where he and Vegas were in a plane. I figured this means Vegas DEFINITELY has his angel wings and is always and forever with us.
My intuition served me well, once again. I hope yours either already serves you well, or perhaps my ideas can help you start developing a strong intuition. It helps me in many aspects of my life and I hope yours can do the same for you.
The night of Vegas’ death (or as I call it, “rebirth into the spirit world”), I wrote these words, which I believe came from him:
I will love you forever and ever
and then some more.
Love,
Me.
We will always love you too, baby Vegas. Thank you for all the wonderful years of laughter, love, inspiration and memories. The Hallmark card photo (yep, a photo I took of him was on a Hallmark card sold around the U.S.A.) of your BIG cute personality is an awesome legacy you left behind for all other American Eskimos to live up to!
A side note about how Vegas entered our life:
My husband was laid off from his job in 2003, a few months prior to our wedding. We wanted to be happy about getting married but finding work was proving to be difficult (even with a college degree). I was only working as a nanny part-time, as I was still in college. Money got tight, so we started to get a bit anxious.
We had one dog who brought us much joy but we felt he needed a brother or sister. Maybe getting a new dog (when you don’t have a lot of income flowing) wasn’t the best idea, but from the moment we met the little fur ball, we knew we had to bring him home.
His little energy presence brought so much joy into our life when we needed it the most. With Tommy not having to work for a little while, he got to be around Vegas when he needed it the most (when he was a baby!).
He grew up loving to be around us both all the time. He loved my puppet Humphrey, loved going on vacation with us and loved being my muse. His photos below proves it!
Front of the winning Hallmark card, photography by Carolyn J. Braden
Vegas Braden, photography by Carolyn J. Braden