How to Help Someone Who is Grieving

 Carolyn J. Braden • 3 Minute Read 

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How to Help Someone Who is Grieving

“If I could hug you and never let you go, I would.”

This is my exact thought that settled into my mind when my friend told me her husband died. We knew it was coming, but when it actually happens, it feels like all of the air is sucked out of your body. Or, at least that’s how I feel when someone I know dies. It’s hard to know exactly what to say, but I have some ideas on what you can do to help someone who is grieving and here are my thoughts.

Sending flowers are a nice gesture for someone who is grieving

Whether you have lost a favorite human or a favorite pet, grief happens. We all experience it at some point in our lives and let me tell you that you are not alone with your feelings or thoughts and feeling sadness is normal. I wrote about the sudden death of my cat, Ross, in an article and you can read that here. I still feel like I see him walking around our house on some days.

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My beautiful Minnie Pearl helped me cope with grief of losing our dog, Vegas

When death happens to someone in your circle, it’s completely natural to feel all kinds of emotions, but most grieving emotions follow a cycle. AARP, Grief.com and more online resources have some great articles on dealing with grief and this article on verywellmind.com has links to them all.

According to Harvard Health Publishing, there are five stages of grieving:

  • Denial

  • Anger

  • Bargaining

  • Depression

  • Acceptance

While this cycle may be what you go through, not everyone does, as the grief process is not one size fits all. If someone you know is experiencing grief after a loss, it’s a good idea to read through some online articles that can help you understand what they are going through so you can assist them if needed. Having empathy is helpful.

The stages of grief

Be Creative

When I dealt with the death of my grandma in 2006 (my maternal grandma, my Nani, was like a mom to me), I knew it was coming, but that didn’t make the loss any easier. I was her caretaker, so my whole life changed. I no longer was going to the grocery for her. I was no longer talking to her on the phone. I was no longer having lunches or dinners with her. It took me about 2 years to find my new “normal”.

My life had a bit of a hole in it, so I turned to my creativity to fill some of the void space. Thankfully I had a wedding cake to create for a client the weekend after her death, and I was able to throw all my pain into that cake and it turned out GORGEOUS. Creating is healing to me. Try cooking, crafting, build something, or do whatever creative thing you can think of to help ease your mind.

Helping a grieving friend

Say “I Love You” + Good Memory Recall

If someone you know is grieving, let them know you love them and are there for them. The first thing I said to my friend was “I love you”. Everyone loves to know they are loved, so say it and mean it. So many people don’t say the right things or do the right things when someone dies, but if they say or do anything kind, at least know they are trying. I love you seems to be the best thing I can think to say when there aren’t any words left to say.

I also told her I was so grateful for the time I got to spend with both she and her husband at a wonderful dinner they invited us to in 2023. We drove in our RV to St. Augustine, Florida, where they bought a house, and they hosted a dinner for us. A dream came true for them, a house by the beach, and that is a great memory we share.

St. Augustine was a bit off our path of our travels that summer, but we wanted to go a few extra miles to see them as they had been so, so kind to us when we evacuated from Hurricane Ian, offering their house to us if we needed it.

A personal item can be sent to someone who is grieving

Send a Card or Small Gift

I like to send a card or a small gift to someone when they lose a human or pet. While I often make my own cards, I have purchased plenty of amazing grieving gifts on Amazon and at Walmart. Sending flowers or making an arrangement and gifting it yourself is a nice thing to do too.

I made a puppy dog flower arrangement that would be great for a pet lover. See how I made it below in my YouTube video or via my channel @carolynjbraden:

Here are some links to some things I like to send:

A big hug is helpful for someone who is sad

Visit

If or when your grieving friend or family member is ready for a visit, do it if you can. An in-person visit along with a big hug can be truly appreciated. When you hug them, you can whisper my words that I mentioned in the very beginning of this article: “If I could hug you and never let you go, I would.”

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Everything you say has meaning and saying something so lovely will stick with them and will be memorable. Your words are always memorable, so choose what you say wisely. If your friend appreciates a good joke, tell one. Talking about good memories of your time with their loved one is helpful too. You will know the right thing to say and do according to your relationship with the person.

Traveling is helpful for grief processing

Travel/Get Out of the House

The last thing I can think of to help someone who is grieving is plan a trip or an outing.

If they’ve been at home for a long period of time, try to get them out and about, doing something fun or just something normal. Go to the grocery, plan a vacation and actually go (you could go together!), go out to eat, or go see a movie. Getting back into routine is helpful and helps normalize life again. Life will be different, but it’s doable, especially when surrounded by good friends and a loving family.

If you loved this article, then we know you’ll love this one too: How To Give the Most Thoughtful Gifts

Carolyn J. (C.J.) Braden is the owner of Carolyn’s Blooming Creations is a regular contributor and editor for CBC. She has been featured in numerous media publications such as InStyle Magazine, on HGTV, on Bustle.com, and more. She is the author of the books Georgia McMasters in Amethyst Lake Cemetery, How To Be Yourself: 3 Ways To Help You Being You, and the illustrator for the children’s book Bridging Connections. She is a former classroom teacher that now dedicates her life to educating others on how to live their most healthy, creative and happy life. Learn more about her visiting our About Us page.