Carolyn J. Braden • 4 Minute Read
How To Deal With The Unexpected Loss of a Pet
We lost our cat, Ross, a true FRIEND (he was named after Ross from the television show Friends) on January 26th, 2024. In the early hours of the morning, Ross passed away peacefully and quickly in our arms. I could only hope and pray someone would hold me with the same love and care as I held him. The date was also my sister in spirit, Jennie’s birthday. This was also the same date I quit my corporate job in 2018. God knows that date is connected to me and I definitely take solace in knowing they were present. You could almost feel it…
Ross hung out in my studio with me often
The sudden passing of him was whirlwind of an experience that I have not had before. My parents had a similar experience when they unexpectedly lost my older sister at three months old. Yes, a pet is not a human, but any unexpected loss of any life is a shock. One thing I know for sure is this: You don’t get over deaths, but you can heal and grow from the loss experience.
We’ve had to have several of our loved fur babies put to sleep over the years due to failing heath, but Ross left us a bit differently. I thought I’d take a moment to write up a little about my situation (as it can happen to anyone) and how my husband and I dealt with it for anyone seeking some answers to this heartbreaking life experience.
Ross will live on forever in my many creations featuring him
Our beloved Ross, a furry family member and muse that adorned much of my photography and videography, had a heart murmur (which is common in Maine Coon cats and he was being monitored by our vet) that our kind veterinarian, Amanda, at the emergency vet we had to take him to (our experience with the vets at Fetch Specialty & Emergency Veterinary Centers in Fort Myers, Florida was excellent and I’d recommend them) explained suddenly caused a blood clot, causing something like a heart attack a human could have.
Ross loved to sleep on our bed and I loved photographing him
The experience was unexpected and shocking to us, as he was acting normal up until this happened, but we are coping. This sudden life tragedy quickly reminds you has life truly goes by fast. We had over 10 great years with him and are so grateful for the time. His sister, Monica is 13, which is very old for true Maine Coon cats, is hanging in there. Her recent vet trip showed she’s still in great health, but does have a small murmur too that’s monitored too.
Ross was so good with me when I cut his nails
Hours before it happened, I did my daily personal “Ross time” with him, brushing his long fur, and he loved it. He loved personal attention, but not too much. He always let me cut his nails on his 6 toes. He was so sweet. The week it happened, he spent time on his favorite porch watching lizards, we played often and he gave us lots of laughs, as always.
This short video showcases Ross’ humorous stares he gave us when he was hungry. Watch it below or via our YouTube channel @carolynjbraden:
He was a partially deaf, true gentle giant that was always around (his nickname was Spooky) and we loved his photo bombs! He brought many laughs to our life and others, especially when we all needed it. It’s funny how your pets seem to know when you need to smile.
Ross was a muse for me and my creativity
We love knowing he will be a little angel for us as we make some life transitions soon with a move to a new state. My sister, Jennie, is in the spirit world, so I imagine he’s by her side and she’s taking great care of him. I hope she has a lot of food because he eats a lot (but was pure muscle). Maine Coons are very large and very true to wild cats in nature. He was always “fishing” in his water bowl.
I took this photo of Ross during our Hurricane Ian evacuation…our pets did so good during this tragic time!
If you have a cat or any pet, the loss can be traumatic and you must give yourself time to heal. Everyone grieves differently, but somehow, you must do it in order to heal. According to the Humane Society website, “the grief process is not linear. You may meander in and out of the stages of grief, going back and forth, rather than experiencing each stage in sequential order. It’s not uncommon to start to feel better, and then feel like a wave of grief has washed over you again. The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss.”.
Ross loved to be a photobomber!
My husband and I had a short weekend trip planned the day after Ross passed, and we continued with our plans. We felt it would be good to get out of the house. When you look around our house, you could almost picture him lying in his favorite spots, and that was something we needed a break from.
We grieved on and off at the hotel, with our other fur babies by our side. They still needed us and this was very helpful. When we returned home, we felt refreshed from breaking up our normal routine. The sadness is still there, but the happy memories are much greater. Good memories truly can help keep you going in life.
I took this photo of Ross on his last birthday, 9/24/23
Having other pets to snuggle when you are coping with loss is helpful. If you only have one pet or don’t feel you have anyone in your life that understands your feelings, you may consider seeking a support group or therapy. There are actual grief support groups like the Pet Compassion Careline, that has 24/7 grief support. If you do an internet search for pet loss support groups, you may be able to find one that works for you, or else a trained and licensed therapist. Don’t feel bad about needing to discuss your feelings with someone because how you feel is very valid.
Another thing we did that was helpful is talk to our regular veterinarian right after it happened. She was regularly checking his murmur and his overall health and none of us saw this coming so quickly. She reassured us we did everything correctly and even if she had been able to reach him during his end of life process and had all her vet equipment with her, it would not have mattered.
As humans, we are often trained on how to use defibrillators and other life saving devices on other humans (many jobs offer on-site training if they have the devices), but this is not something we practice on animals in our homes.
Our Maine Coon cats, Monica and Ross
Thankfully in today’s world, we have internet searches and emergency veterinarians that can help. I wish we had animal ambulances or at home quick animal health response teams, but we don’t for now, but maybe that’s in the near future as the world is finally understanding that pets are family members too and serve a great purpose in our lives.
I went into a mode of analyzing what was happening (I tend to have a very quick problem-solving mind) and told my husband to call the vet as I assessed what was happening and did my best to help him. If you pet is in distress and you don’t know what to do, call your vet or an emergency vet.
If it’s not severe, do an internet search before calling. Note symptoms and how long they have been going on. Life gets busy, but to be a responsible pet owner, you should be paying attention to what your pet is eating, how they are feeling and what their “normal” daily behavior is. Knowing this information is very helpful to you, your research and to the vet.
I created this after Ross’s passing…this song…I always hear it in my mind when my pets have passed
If you are struggling with a sudden or unexpected loss of a pet, try writing, do a memorial service for them with friends and family that loved them too, and create art (or do anything creative). If someone you know experiences a loss of a pet, acknowledge it and send them a card or call them. Even if you aren’t a pet owner, you will experience the loss of a loved one in your life time and will need the same support.
Find healthy outlets for your health’s sake and give yourself the same unconditional love that your pet showed you. You are worth all the care that you gave to them, and that’s a lesson everyone needs to understand, including myself. When Ross died in our arms, I could only think that I’d want the same. To be held by someone you love during traumatic events is very comforting and priceless.
Please hug your pet a little more today. Ross loved playing, so play a little extra today for him too and take a sweet nap if you want to as well. He loved his naps! Thanks to everyone for the support and love…and we send it right back to you.
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Carolyn J. (C.J.) Braden is a regular contributor and editor for Carolyn’s Blooming Creations. She has been featured in numerous media publications such as InStyle Magazine, on HGTV, on Bustle.com, and more. She is the author of the books Georgia McMasters in Amethyst Lake Cemetery, How To Be Yourself: 3 Ways To Help You Being You, and the illustrator for the children’s book Bridging Connections. She is a former classroom teacher that now dedicates her life to educating others on how to live their most healthy, creative and happy life. Learn more about her visiting our About Us page.