You are a golden egg that is waiting to be cracked open. You are full of goodness. You have so much talent inside, so much joy to share with the world.
Why do you let “the others" tell you that you are not worthy of all that good? Why do you let “the others" put words in your mouth that you, in turn, shoot out like bullets that destroy other human's hearts? All that negativity must be dissolved in order for you to shine like the sun again.
How in the world do you do that?
I know how.
You must break open and break free. You must rid yourself of those that are destroying your inner goodness. This usually happens when you reach a point of so much pain, that you feel it with your entire body. You may find yourself crying uncontrollably after coming in contact with “the others", find yourself often being angry and negative for no reason, find yourself not being able to get up off the floor without the help of an actual lovely human being, or worse, find yourself thinking you are not worthy of living a life on earth anymore.
I can say all this because I have experienced all of what I just described. I have been a crumpled up little ball of so much sadness and pain that I didn't feel like I deserved to be on earth anymore. This is incredibly hard to write, because though I have been through therapy, have been on prescription medicine, and have dealt with the pain “the others" inflicted on my heart, it still hurts to acknowledge. I felt guided to write this though, because I know there are more humans out there that have dealt with this kind of pain or are dealing with this kind of pain in their life. I felt guided to share because maybe you need to know how to get out of this kind of situation like I did.
There are some people that are not good for you to be around. They are not your "tribe". You may think they are, but slow down and listen to the things they say.
· Do they bad-mouth others constantly behind their back?
· Do they preach to others how they should act, when they do even worse?
· Do they try to make you feel like you are always at fault in any conflict you have?
If so, you need to separate yourself from them.
I had to separate myself from several people who you don’t traditionally separate from. This was some family members; some by marriage, some by blood. Everyone seems to think you have to stay connected to all members of your family, but sometimes family is the one group of people that can hurt you the most. They know all your faults. They’ve known you for your entire life and can bring up old memories and use them to stab you at your weakest moments.
What I found when I was with this group of “the others” is that the poison was lured out of me time and time again. I found myself saying hurtful things, even when I didn’t mean them at all. I started to hate myself every time I opened my mouth when I was around them because I knew it wasn’t who I was.
I was triggered so many times, until one day I wasn’t. The day came when I decided I was ready to break free. I didn’t like who I was around them and knew it was time for me to figure out who I really was. I was that golden egg that needed to be cracked open so all the good could finally come out.
How did I do it?
I simply let them go. I stopped trying. I stopped calling them and stopped trying to reconnect. Before I hit rock bottom with them, I tried time and time again, especially when my some of my other family members, like my aunt and grandmother, begged me to. My efforts never worked. They sometimes did for a short period of time, but every time I went back, the negativity rang loud and clear.
Our chemistry just doesn’t work, and that is okay.
Here’s the thing that I still hang on to. Love. I still love these humans. No matter how many times I have been hurt, I still love like no other. I truly wish them all of the best and pray often that they one day can break free themselves and start living a life of their own using their inner light. They are golden eggs too. I know they too have pain and that’s where the pain they caused me is coming from.
Most recently, I experienced a workplace situation with very negative energy. I recognized it the second the bad energy started leaking into my life again. Because I learned the lessons from my family situations, I was able to fight back in a positive way using company policy, kept my mouth shut when around the negative energy (even when triggered time and time again), and was able to remain standing on two feet instead of lying in my bathtub crying uncontrollably. I’m proud of myself for finding my inner strength and leaving that situation much quicker than in the past. There were people, that were like my aunt and grandmother, that tried to get me to stick around, telling me it’d get better. I knew it would not. I resigned and have never looked back.
This group of “the others” I separated myself from has become the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I pray every day to God, my Angels, and Spirit Guides and tell them “Okay, lesson learned!” I believe every painful situation we get placed in throughout our lives is some sort of lesson. I’ve learned that this is my life and no one else’s and I am deciding to be the magnificent cracked open golden egg and be who I have learned I am after all the pain.
I am now the real me and there is no other me exactly like it.