Should I Stay or Should I Go? How to Deal With a "Wrong Talker"

Do you ever find yourself looking at someone when they are talking and wonder why they just won’t stop or have a strong feeling like you should run away? I only do that sometimes. It’s usually when I know I’m right about something and they are completely wrong. It’s also usually when I feel bad energy spewing from them.

What do you do when caught in a moment with this type of person, whom I call a “wrong talker”? I’ve tried dealing with them a couple of different ways and maybe, just maybe, one of them can help you deal with them the next time you cross paths.  

  • You just let them get it out. Sometimes that is the best way to keep peace. Usually when you encounter this person and their long talks, you’ve tried to interrupt to correct them in the past and it did not go over well. So, it’s sometimes not worth it and you need to let that go. Stick around and let them talk. Eventually they will stop.
  • Find a good stopping point in their speech (because remember, they are doing all the talking) and say something like “Hey, can we take a break for a minute? I’m trying to process what you are saying but I need a second to think.” They may get mad at you for stopping their train of thought. Oh well, they’ll get over it.

What does not work ever? Running away. No matter how hard it is to let them keep talking, to hear them say wrong thing after wrong thing, running away will make it worse. They will still have an internal need to say what they needed to say. Most people that talk on and on and on (and are incorrect with many things they are saying) have been stewing on the thoughts for a period of time. People have internal monologues all the time in which they start to make stuff up in their mind. Stuff that doesn’t really exist in real life, but it does in their mind. Running away doesn’t allow them to get it out and they’ll track you down and finish their thought at some point. Usually they’ll be mad when they have to track you down so it’s best to let them get it out in the first round.

Dealing with this type of person could happen again in your life, but if so, you will recognize it and be able to use your skills to cope quickly. Hopefully you will be able to eradicate this type of person from your life and not attract that type of person again.

It is my hope that this type of person (“wrong talker”) finds a better way to get their thoughts out. If you, yourself, are the person that does all the talking and are stewing on your thoughts, try writing them down before you say any of them to someone. You may just find that you don’t need to have that conversation with your victim after all.

Old Dogs Need Love Too-Saying Goodbye to My Dog, Joey

Here is a draft of a start of my third book. It will be a book about unconditional love. One idea I have for the book will be about my dog and the unconditional love he taught me. Taking care of the elderly, my dog and my Nani, have been some of the hardest, yet rewarding times in my life and I wish to teach others what I've learned through my experiences. We lost Joey today, 7/17/2017. Here is my start to his story.

Old Dogs Need Love Too

Carolyn J. Braden

7/17/2017, Monday

Today was supposed to be a lucky day. It started out with me being a winner for “Pet of the Week” for the Petflow company. They featured a photo I took of our Maine Coon, Monica, on their social media sites. The week was starting out quite nicely.

On this day, my husband and I were working at home, and while in the midst of our day’s tasks, we realized we had to let go of our dog, Joey. This was a decision that hit me like a brick, but I knew it had to be done.

About 16 years ago, we met Joey, a beautiful fluffy Border Collie/American Eskimo mix, white with a patch of brown and black fur over one eye and across his bottom. He was the only dog at the Humane Society that wasn’t barking. He was small, about 26 pounds, with sweet brown eyes that caused me to fall in love the instant I saw him. He was named Patches, though I decided to call him Joey instead. We already had a cat named Phoebe from the Humane Society, and because the show “Friends” was one of our favorite shows, Joey was very fitting.

Interestingly enough, we took home quiet little Joey and he instantly started barking and going crazy. Or, we at least thought he was going crazy, as well as our friends and family too. Everyone starting questioning our decision to get him. I never questioned my decision.

It dawned on us that he was still young, he was still a puppy in fact, that had never been trained. If he was at the Humane Society, there was no telling what his very early life had been like. We decided to take him to training at Feeders Supply, a local pet supply store. There, we met Fran, the most awesome dog trainer in the world. She was so patient and worked with us and Joey, among a class of other “misfit” dogs, to teach him the basics. We learned so much from her. Through that experience, we learned Joey was actually not going crazy. He was very intelligent but just needed training. We worked with him for months and months and he learned everything we taught him. The most fascinating trick was “Leave It.” We could put a dog biscuit by his foot and say “leave it” and he would not eat it until we said “take it”. That was helpful for any time we dropped something we didn’t want him to eat. We could just say “leave it” and he did.

Joey loved posing for pictures. He would let me style him and would be so patient with me as I took numerous photos of him. His patience was truly tested when we brought home a new puppy, Vegas, an American Eskimo. Joey was very unsure of him at first, but he grew to love him and teach him the most wonderful love capable between two dogs. Joey cleaned Vegas’ ears, watched over him and was a great big brother.

Back to today and our decision to let go of Joey. Joey lived a great long life. We estimated him to be about 17 years old, since we didn’t know exactly how old he was when we got him. About 2 years ago, Joey started to not have control over his bowels. We believed he had a spinal condition that didn’t tell him when he needed to go. He also started having urinary accidents in the home. For a while, we just cleaned it up, but knew we needed a better fix. We started purchasing children’s diapers and cut a hole for his tail. He was completely fine with wearing them as he had also developed arthritis and wasn’t able to reach around to his back end.

Standing for long periods of time was also beginning to be tough for Joey, which made eating and drinking difficult. We purchased a water bowl that was elevated and very steady. Tommy, my husband, also hand fed him. It was almost as if Joey had become our human baby. We worried about him, but knew he was still managing quite well with all the efforts we made to ensure he had a good quality of life. He was still smiling at us and trying to jump up when he saw us. He still loved eating his treats and getting lots of attention.

Today, however, we had to say goodbye. For the last few days, Joey was not able to stand for more than a few minutes at a time. He was struggling to get up on his feet by himself. We contemplated a dog wheelchair, but knew he needed to use his legs to keep them from getting too stiff and painful from the arthritis. We could see pain start to creep in his eyes. It wasn’t the kind of pain a pain pill could cure anymore. The last few days, I didn’t see him smile. That was my cue. I talked to him numerous times about him being able to “let go”. I didn’t want to have to make the decision for him, but I had to. It was time.

We took him to the vet and prayed over him. My husband and I were with him the entire time, holding him. I cried. Tommy cried. We let go. Joey let go.

Joey is now in the spirit world. He is with me now. Whatever you believe, I am here to say, Joey’s spirit will never die. He taught us more than any human could ever teach us. He was strong. He was stubborn. He never gave up until he had to. To quote the Trolls movie, Joey got knocked down so many times, but always got back up again. Well, sometimes we had to help him, but that’s what life is all about. Helping each other. Humans helping humans. Animals helping animals. Humans helping animals.

Animals helping humans. Joey helped us be better humans. He taught us love, patience and kindness and we will always be grateful to him for that. As for today being a lucky day, it actually was. I am lucky to have had Joey in my life and to know now he will always be by my side in spirit.

The Difference Between Anger and Frustration (And How To Deal!)

To anyone that truly knows me and my heart, they know I am not an angry person. I've only been told by one person in my entire life that I was angry. It's happened a couple of times by that same person. It shocks me to my core each time because in each instance, they've said it and then ran away without letting me explain. Each time they've been successful in running, but one of the two times, I've been able to seek them out and tell them my feelings. The second time, I decided to let it slide because I knew it would not have mattered and probably only would have made them run away again. Let me say this too. Each time, I was not angry. I was frustrated with the person, but I was not angry. Do I get angry? No. I get frustrated from time to time, but I don't get angry. I think anger is a feeling you get when you don't talk about things. I always talk about things! I love to talk!

With this all being said, I had a thought today about people that accuse others of being angry. When someone accuses you of being angry, could it be perhaps themselves who are angry because they aren't talking about their feelings or dealing with things in their life?

I wonder if there are people who walk around with the weight of their emotions on their shoulders for so long, they start to think that everyone around them is angry. They start to think that every tense situation, every time they are questioned, every time someone doesn't greet them with the happiest attitude, is someone that is just acting angrily towards them.

That thought led me to this next one. We, as a society, need to, HAVE TO, find positive ways to release feelings, rather than on each other. If society doesn't, they will resort to taking their own anger out onto others that don't deserve it. Or worse, their health will deteriorate, they could fall into depression, and more.

My wish is for people to start to think about how they can deal with their emotions in a better way. When you find that way, you must be consistent about it. You have to make time for it. You have to want to make time for it.

Here is how I deal with frustrated feelings:

  • Talk it out with the person IF they will allow it.
  • If they don't allow it, then I write, draw, exercise, talk with a friend or family member

One thing that also helps me deal with frustration is making a list of what makes me frustrated. When I read through the list, I realized that I get frustrated when people won't talk to me or let me talk to them. When I am being ignored and not allowed to talk through things, I don't like it.

I highly recommend making a list of what makes you stressed, frustrated, happy, sad, etc. and make a plan on ways to deal with your feelings when they hit. Then, perhaps, share the list with someone you love or work with so they are aware of what makes you tick emotionally.

The world needs us. Our family needs us. Our co-workers need us. TO BE HAPPY. Are you allowed to not be happy all the time? Of course! We were given many different feelings for a reason. However, if you are having more stressed out, sad, and frustrated feelings, you must make a change. You must do it before you make the next happy person you cross while you are angry, a sad person.

The Start of My Second Book: ON THOSE DARK DAYS Turn On Your Light

Here is the start of my second book with the working title: ON THOSE DARK DAYS Turn On Your Light. I wrote it in May 2017, though the story has been in my mind for a while, I didn't know how to write about the subjects: Sadness and Depression. They are terribly hard to write about. You don't want to bum people out so you have to word it in a way that can heal and end the story with a happy ending if possible.

That's what I have done with the start of my story. I've turned the intro into something that may sound like a child's book, so maybe that will be the direction I will go; A book for teens. That is when I felt the most sad in my life. It continued on and off into adulthood until I made some drastic life changes that included removing some people from my life. That was a very hard decision to make, but my health demanded it.

So, here we go with my story. Please excuse the grammar, as I haven't had anyone edit it yet. If you read until the end, you will find out why I released this tonight.

Let me tell you a story about a little girl. She was born into so much love. One day, her parents thought they fell out of love and decided to let go of each other.

The little girl pondered. "If they don't love each other anymore, does love even exist?"

Throughout this little girls life, she struggled with love. The idea. The concept. She tried and tried to be loved and love others, but it always felt like those around her pushed her away like her parents pushed each other away.

Life grew pretty dark for the little girl. Every time she loved, she lost. Every time she put her all into things, they seemed to slip away just like her parents relationship.

As the little girl grew up, she got to a really dark time. The darkness went away most of the time, but sometimes it lurked around for a while. Each time it lurked, the girl thought to herself "I don't think I'm supposed to be here anymore. I didn't ask to be born so why not give up? No one really loves me."

She pondered that dark thought a little too long once. The thought was so hard, the pain so intense, she cried and screamed out to the world "WHY AM I HERE!"

Little did she know, her cries were heard. There was always a little voice that said "You were put here for a reason." She just didn't listen until this moment. It took years of being sad and feeling unwanted and unloved, but this time she listened to the voice and understood.

The little girl had what are called "Dark Days". We all have Dark Days.

My question to you now is this: What can you do to bring yourself out of those dark moments in order to keep them from being dark days or even dark years?

And that is where I am with the story at this point. Thank you for reading!

I decided to release this start of my book tonight after having a dark moment recently due to all of the news stories about people shooting each other around the world. I decided I could let the new stories get me down or I could turn on my light and share how I cope with the dark moments now. I write. I journal. I listen to my favorite dance music. I take a walk. I meditate. I process my feelings through doing all these things. I allow myself to feel the sadness, but work through it with ways that I know work for me.

My wish for the world right now is for people to start figuring out how to process their dark moments more quickly so they don't head down a violent path. Knowing some of the things that exist in the world right now make me truly understand the saying "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR."

My First Official Book-HOW TO BE YOURSELF: THREE LITTLE WAYS TO GET BACK TO YOU BEING YOU

So, today, on my birthday, I will give a gift to the world. I received gifts today and now it's my turn to give back. I am proud to say I have finished the manuscript for my first official book. I have no idea where it will take me, but I listened to a calling to write it and so I did.

My family and friends have helped and supported me through writing it and I am ever so thankful. I have plans to turn it into a workbook or "soulbook" and even more! We've sent it out to some literary agents with an awesome business plan (or at least my grandmother, husband and myself thinks so) and now I will wait. If nothing happens there, I will self-publish. This is what I was meant to do at this moment in my life and I will make it happen as I do with everything I put my heart into.

I have ideas for many other books. I started a second one and have also written two drafts of children's books. I am so excited to write them all!

Thank you God for my many gifts.

Here is my gift---a sample of my book!

HOW TO BE YOURSELF:

THREE LITTLE WAYS TO GET BACK TO YOU BEING YOU

Sample Foreword:

This book is a reminder.  A reminder to anyone that feels a pull inside their heart to get back to being who they were put on this earth to be.  A reminder that everyone is special and has something to give to the world.  A reminder that everyone has a purpose.

 

Sample Chapter 1:

Pick the Right People

     To start you off on this journey to being yourself, you have to pick the right people.  Think about those you surround yourself with on a daily basis.  Are they fun?  Are they loving?  Do they support you?  If you answer no to any of those questions, then perhaps you need to find a new crew!  Not that you have to rid your life of anyone.  I’m not saying that.  Maybe you need to instead, determine what each person helps you do.

 

Sample Chapter 2:

Take Care of Yourself

     The next stop of your journey?  Take care of yourself!  You are more important than you feel you are.  You have to take care of yourself to take care of those around you.  If you are not doing well emotionally, spiritually or are often ill, how in the world do you expect to be able to function at the level you need to?  

Sample Chapter 3:

Do Something for Someone Other Than Yourself

     This next chapter may at first sound like it contradicts the previous chapter, but it does not.  Let’s begin with this statement: “It’s not all about you.”.  Now repeat this over and over and over again until it sticks. Sounds like a contradiction, but hear me out.  As I said in the previous chapter, you have to take care of yourself to take care of those around you.  Once you take care of yourself, you’ll have the strength you need to take care of those around you.  Taking care of our fellow humans is what we are here for.  The universe supports us in doing so.  Keep in mind though, the universe is not here to give us everything we want at the exact time we want it.  We must be patient. In the meantime, we must be kind and do good things for each other.

Put Good Things Out There, Good Things You Shall Receive

A thought that has been stuck in my head lately- if you put good things out there, you'll receive goodness back.

It think this is true. I try to shine my light wherever I go. Sure, my light may be dim on some days and super bright on others, but that's life. I still try to shine in some way every day.

Think about how you can shine your light into the world. Shine your goodness. Be the light that lights up the world around you.

Uncomplicating Things

Today I have started a re-branding journey. I love making things simple. Some may find things such as event planning, learning new things, homemaking, travel planning and more to be very complicated. So complicated that many will just give up and abandon plans altogether. My goal is to teach others how to  make things that seem complicated and uncomplicate them. Today starts this journey of the uncomplicating things, no matter what the task may be.